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Should Single Christian Women Look Outside The Church For A Man?

Should Single Christian Women Look Outside The Church For A Man?


How many single men do you have in your church? In mine you can count the (limited) number of them on one hand. Many of those men are either married or too young.

Most churches, especially black ones, are packed with women. If you’re looking to meet a man there, the chances are slim.

So what do you do when you’re ready to start a relationship? Do you just keep waiting in the hope that one day your prince will show up in your church?

Some women get frustrated and refuse to play the waiting game. They end up looking outside the church for a man to date. But what does the bible say about that?

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers [do not make mismated alliances with them or come under a different yoke with them, inconsistent with your faith]. For what partnership have right living and right standing with God with iniquity and lawlessness? Or how can light have fellowship with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14) Amplified Bible.

Singles Christian black tie events are popular for meeting men. But it seems that even those attract more women than men.

A friend invited me to one in Birmingham. I bought a new outfit, had my hair done and looked my best. I then  travelled for more than two hours by coach to get there. The ball was held in the reception room in a hotel. The women looked stunning in their beautiful evening gowns.

To my shock, there were only five men there among 60 or more women. As the night went on, two more men walked in. And that was it. What a disappointment.


Spiritual clashes

You’re supposed to put God first in your life. Nothing should take priority over your relationship with Him, including your spouse.

Commitment to serving God 100% means attending regular church services, having an active prayer life; praising and worshipping Him; reading the bible; meditating on it and being obedient to His instructions. If your man isn’t a Christian, how will he feel when you put God before him?

On the other hand, some non-Christian men might understand. They’ll allow you to do what you need to do for your spiritual life to grow. But others will resent it and probably get jealous of your relationship with God. They won’t understand why you need to devote so much time to your spiritual life. That’s because you’re not on the same spiritual level.

They could even demand that you stay at home instead of going to church. And maybe insist that you spend less time praying and reading your bible .

And what about music? He might want to listen to music, which clashes with your praise and worship music. That type of relationship will need a lot of compromise for peace in your home.


Can you change a non-Christian man?

You might think that going out with a man who isn’t a Christian is a good opportunity for you to convert him. But that doesn’t always work. You can’t change him just because you want him.

Some women have gone as far as marrying a man because he promises he’ll go to church after the wedding. After the wedding he’ll carry on promising. But he has no intention of becoming a Christian.

After the honeymoon period is over, your house turns into a battlefield with non-stop arguments. Why? Because you’re harassing him about converting to Christianity. And he’s fed up with hearing it.

You can’t change another person. You can pray for them. But you can’t force God’s hand to turn them into what you want them to become. He’ll do it in His own time.  It could take years for your man to give his life to Jesus.

In some cases, it’s easier for the non-Christian man to convert the Christian woman. Because of pressure and for the sake of peace and wanting to please him, they give up their faith. It could happen to you if you’re not strong in the Lord.

Although you can’t change your man, you could try this tip. Demonstrate unconditional love and patience. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8.) Don’t nag, stop begging him to come to church with you. Keep praying for him, loving him and pleasing him. Be the best partner ever. (Proverbs 31:10-31)

Keep your temper under control. Demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit. (Galatians 5:22) When he sees those qualities in you, he’ll be more inclined to want to get to know the God you serve.


Can you resist temptation when the heat is on?

You’ll both have different sexual boundaries. You’re supposed to wait until you’re married before having sex.

Most men will think you’re either old-fashioned or weird for wanting to hold out. How can he understand where you’re coming from when he doesn’t know what the bible says about fornication.

He may want to keep you happy, so he decides to wait for a while. But it’s unlikely that he’ll wait till your wedding day. Especially if it’s months away.

As your feelings grow and you get closer, passions will rise. Sexual feelings could become overpowering. Are you strong enough to resist having sex with him?


What about your child?

You are the role model for your child. If you want them to live a holy life and follow the guidelines of the bible, your life must reflect that. What they see in the home is what they’ll accept as normal.

The other problem is bringing a man into your home whose spiritual values clashes with yours. Like I said earlier, most non-Christian think it’s normal to have sex before marriage. If you get caught up in that cycle you’ll be giving the wrong message to your child.


Other places to meet a man apart from your church

There are single Christian men out there. But do you know where to find one? The church is only one place of many.

Below is a list of places you could meet him:

  • Christian concerts and festivals.
  • A lot of churches host yearly singles events such as KICC.
  • You could also meet him at a friend’s wedding reception.
  • Christian dating sites such as Fusion101 is a good place to join for friendship or dating.
  • hosts regular events and parties. Just log into the website and register.
  • Why not organise something fun for the singles in your local area or church?  That’s a great way to meet a single man.
  • You could  even give Christian speed dating a try.
  • Another way of meeting a potential partner is to go on Christian holidays.

When you’re ready to meet your man, ask God for guidance and direction. Trust Him and step out in faith. Be patient and keep praying. “You can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it.” (Matthew 21:22)

Single Christian women do meet single Christian men. But you may have to look further than your church.

Have you dated a non-Christian man? What were your experiences? Please share them in the comment box below.

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I'm June, a self-published author, freelance copywriter and blogger. This blog is a mixture of real stories, testimonies and useful advice. Most of the articles here are based on biblical principles. If you have a testimony to share, I would love to publish it to inspire other readers.


  1. I think that there is no need to look for a man. If you are a Christian, you will know that someone will come to your life in a right time and place.
    TracyAnn0312 recently posted..police tactical gearMy Profile

    • Is there something wrong with someone if they want to share their belief’s and time with a man that they have the same faith in common with?I don’t think so.Everyone in this world young or old seem to be on their way to marriage/family.Some people may not want too wait any longer if they have for so long.No one wants to be alone or childless.The bible says no man should be alone so I’ll make a helper for him, and be fruitful and multiply.look it up

      • Hi Emma,

        No I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being with someone who shares the same faith. At least you’ll be on the same spiritual wavelength. And I agree that no one wants to be single or end up alone.

        God did say it wasn’t right for man to be alone. That’s why he made Eve for Adam. I believe women should wait for their Adam (a man of the same faith) to come to her. And not to go looking for him. Eve didn’t have to look for Adam. She was made especially for him.

        We should pray and ask God to send our partner to us. The one He made for us. Because that special person will make us happy. But when we go chasing men, 9 times out of 10, it doesn’t work out. I’m saying this because it happened to me and lots of other women I know.

        Thanks for leaving a comment. 🙂

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