Are You Ready for a Relationship?
Are you ready for a relationship? Or do you want one because most of your friends have their men and you feel left out?
I know that life as a single woman comes with challenges. Plus loneliness! Even though some people choose to stay single. But if that’s not your choice, you’ll be restless on your own.
But are you ready for a relationship?
Can I tell you a little about me and relationships? I was a typical what you could call, ‘must have a man in my life’ type of woman. It didn’t matter at what cost. Just as long as I had someone there for me, all of the time! Single life was not my lifestyle.
What did I do to satisfy that addiction? I jumped from one negative, abusive relationship to another, in my search for Mr Right. In the process I was physically, emotionally and mentally abused. Slapped around like a fly being swatted.
One day my life nearly ended during a domestic violence drama. I got the wake-up call I needed.
Those bad experiences helped me to change my attitude towards relationships.
After I became a Christian, God opened my eyes. I spent a lot of time reflecting on my past. I can’t believe how naive I was.
It was always about ‘me’. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. But God is merciful. He led me to Himself. That was where I found true love. It changed my life.
- To get the best out of your relationship, put God first.
- Secondly, get rid of your old baggage. It could ruin your new relationship.
- Work on yourself. If you don’t feel complete and whole as a woman, you’ll not be fulfilled in your relationship.
- Be happy with your singleness. Use that time to develop your relationship with God.
- Pray and wait on God. Is the relationship you’re planning within His will for your life?
Instead of focusing on yourself, pour out your love on others
Ruth is good example of a strong woman. She was a woman of love, faith and committed to serving others.
She decided to look after her mother-in-law after her husband died. Ruth didn’t put herself first. In fact, she made sacrifices for her mother-in-law. Ruth wanted to stay and support her. So she gave up her freedom.
But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.” When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her. ~ Ruth 1: 16-18
- Ruth’s main concern was caring for her mother-in-law.
- She didn’t mind giving up everything for a woman who wasn’t even her mother.
- She wasn’t thinking about finding another husband.
- But her obedience, humility and sacrifice led her to her husband.
Serve God and others in your singleness. He will bless you for your loyalty.
Make sure you’re ready for a relationship, don’t rush into one
Take your time. Don’t jump from one relationship into another. I made that mistake, got my fingers burnt and my heart-broken. Instead of giving myself time to get over one man, I rushed straight into the arms of another.
I thought I needed their love to make me feel complete. No man can make a woman feel complete. That’s something you have to work at.
- Before you make a commitment, get to know him properly.
- Make sure he is the right one for you.
- Pray and wait on God for an answer.
- He will give you confirmation.
Don’t be in a hurry to fall in love. This passage from Song of Solomon sums it up:
“Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right.” Song of Solomon 8:4 (NLT)
Are you healed from past relationship hurts?
You will know if you’re healed when you think or talk about your past love.
- Do you cry or feel sad when you think about him?
- Does his memory arouse heartache, bitterness, hurt or anger?
- If you still feel those emotions when you think about him, then you are not totally healed.
Pray and ask God to completely heal you from any anger, bitterness or unforgiveness that’s still buried deep in you. Those unhealthy feelings will prolong the healing process.
If you came out of an abusive relationship, you may need counselling as well. However, God is the ultimate healer.
When my last marriage ended, it left a deep scar. That’s because of the emotional and physical abuse I suffered. I carried the pain for many years, until I became a Christian.
It took a lot of prayers from me and my pastor, before I was completely healed. It didn’t happen overnight. Even when I believed healing had taken place, the tears flowed when I spoke about him. My heart ached. Angry feelings still burned inside of me.
Every time that happened, I turned to God in prayer. I didn’t realise how much resentment I felt towards my ex-husband. I had to keep surrendering my pain and anger to God. It was an ongoing process. The journey was hard. But I believed that God would heal my pain. And He did.
If you pray and wait on God He will show you your man’s true character
A few years ago I met a man on a Christian dating site. We got on well. But he lived in Switzerland. We communicated mostly by email. Once in a while we spoke on the phone.
One day he asked for my address. He told me that he wanted to send me a picture of himself. I don’t know why, but I felt uneasy about giving him my address. I didn’t tell him how I felt. But I prayed. I asked God to reveal his true character to me. And to show me if that man was genuine. That night I had a dream about him.
In the dream we visited some people. I didn’t know them. We sat down on a long wooden bench. He was leaning away from me. I didn’t know what the dream meant. However, his body language said a lot.
The next time we spoke, I told him that I wasn’t comfortable with giving him my address. I explained that it was because I didn’t know him well enough. He became angry.
To cut a long story short, his attitude changed towards me. That nice man turned into a cold and aggressive person. Our relationship died shortly afterwards.
- If you truly want to know about the new man you’ve met, ask God.
- He will show you what’s in his heart.
- God will speak to you either in a dream, through someone else or in his word.
God will give you peace when you meet the right man. He sees the future. He knows what is best for you.
To get yourself ready for a relationship, develop your character. The power to meet your life partner lies within you.
- Make God the centre of your life.
- Spend time in His presence.
- Love yourself and others.
- Work on developing areas of your life that needs improving.
- Live a faith lifestyle. Visualise yourself being with the man you desire.
- Prepare yourself spiritually and emotionally before you meet him.
- Be the ideal woman for the man of your dreams.
When you feel that you’re ready for a relationship, make yourself available. Go to the places where you are likely to meet your life partner. God will make a way for you to connect with him. You must step out in faith though.
Have you ever rushed into a relationship that you weren’t ready for? What did you learn from that experience?