5 Wrong Reasons to Start a Relationship
There are lots of reasons why you may well want to start a relationship. Nevertheless, sometimes you let your heart guide you in the wrong direction. So, you start one for the wrong reasons.
Let’s be honest. It’s appealing when you’re tired of living the single life.
You want to feel loved. You want to feel wanted. You want loneliness to go away. You want to fit in with your friends. You want to have sex. You want to be wrapped in the arms of a man. You want people to stop pressuring you.
And so on…
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not knocking you starting a relationship. There is nothing wrong with that. But make sure you start one for the right reasons.
Also, the first relationship you need is one with Jesus. Once that’s sorted, your mind and heart are ready to meet your Mr. Right. You don’t want to end up in the arms of Mr. Wrong.
Rushing foolishly into a relationship is never a good idea. Imagine being imprisoned in the arms of the wrong man. You could end up in a nightmare relationship. This may take you down the road of damaging your spiritual life, domestic abuse, sexual immorality, pregnancy, depression and other emotional, mental or physical issues.
Let’s look at some of the wrong reasons to start a relationship. If you’re thinking of starting a relationship for any of these reasons, think again. Don’t put your heart on the line.
Loneliness can literally push you into the arms of a man. When it bites, it bites deep. And it hurts. Have you ever felt so lonely you want to cry?
Loneliness is a sign that you’re not as close to God as you should be. And also, you’re not happy with your own company.
Rushing into a relationship to overcome loneliness is not the solution. You might feel happy and excited at the start of it. But, if you’re in the wrong relationship, you’ll eventually feel lonelier than you did before. And regrets will kick in. Plus, It’s awful to be in a relationship and feel lonely.
Whenever loneliness tries to take control, remember this…
“Jesus said He would be with me always, even to the end of the age. I am not alone. Jesus promised to be with me always.” Matthew 28:20 (NKJV)
When you feel lonely, do something to take your mind off that feeling. That’s all it is… It’s only a feeling. Don’t allow it to dominate your life.
- Talk to God about your feeling.
- Make a plan to deal with this negative emotion.
- Join a group and make new friends.
- Visit friends or family.
- Pick up the phone and call someone.
- Go for a walk.
- Read a good book.
- Take up a hobby.
- Start an interesting course.
- Start a diary of what you do every day.
- Write a book about anything that inspires you.
There are lots of things you can do to escape loneliness. Don’t sit at home by yourself if that makes you feel sad and isolated.
- Envious of your friends
Sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side. Your friends have their own relationships and you want some of what they have. You want your own man too. But is it a good idea to start a relationship just to be like the crowd?
A few years ago (before I became a Christian) my best friend met a man and started a relationship. I was envious, so I decided to start a relationship as well. It was a big mistake. I rushed in with a man who was wrong for me. It caused nothing but stress and heartache. Eventually, I ended it.
My advice is to be patient and wait. I’ve been waiting on God and I know at the right time I will meet my Mr. Right.
“But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” ~ Romans 8:25 (NIV)
- Sexual desires for intimacy
Starting a relationship because you want sexual intimacy will take you down the wrong road. Do you think sex with a man will make you closer or feel more intimate towards him?
There are no guarantees that having sex will bond you together. In fact, the opposite may well be the case. A prostitute can have sex with dozens of men, but that doesn’t mean she will get emotionally attached to any of them.
A relationship based on sex is not based on love, but on lust. Love is the best foundation for any relationship. However, if sex is what is holding it together that isn’t healthy.
- What about your Christian values?
- What’s going to happen when he gets tired of having sex with you?
- What if you get pregnant?
- What if you fall in love with him? And he doesn’t love you, but only want you for sex?
- What if you catch a sexual disease?
There are so many what ifs questions that I can’t cover in this article.
Sex is precious, like a diamond. And you wouldn’t give away a diamond to just anyone, would you?
Sex with a man you’re not married to is a no-no for a Christian woman.
“We should add that God wants us to reserve sex for marriage not because it’s “bad” or “dirty,” but precisely because it’s such a unique, exclusive, and wonderful thing. Sex is a holy mystery. It’s a powerful bonding agent that shapes and affects the relationship between a man and a woman as nothing else can. To take it outside of marriage is like taking the wine consecrated for Holy Communion and using it for a frat house drinking party. This is why the writers of Scripture so often compare idolatry to the sin of fornication or adultery. It also explains why they use sexual purity and faithfulness between spouses as an image of our relationship with God (as, e.g., in Song of Solomon, the Book of Hosea, and the 16th chapter of Ezekiel).” Source
- Pressures from family and friends
Perhaps you’re getting older and most of your friends and family are married. They turn the pressure on and keep making remarks that it’s time you settle down.
In addition, you’re getting worried because the biological clock is ticking. At the back of your mind you’re thinking that if you get past a certain age, you can’t have children.
The danger of giving in to this pressure is you could end up choosing the wrong man. Don’t allow anyone to force you into starting a relationship. Use wisdom when making this life-changing decision.
- You want someone to love you
You feel starved of love. The most natural reaction is to look for someone to give you that love. But before you jump up and down with excitement, think…
Why do you need the love of a man? Will his love make you feel complete?
I’ll tell you a story. A young woman started a relationship because she desired the love of a man. They started a beautiful relationship. It was bliss for the first few months. However, not long after, he began to share his love with other women. The young woman was devastated.
Do you know what the problem was? She didn’t love herself, and he didn’t love himself. So, they went looking for love in the wrong places. From other people.
Love yourself before you seek the love of a man. Because, you can’t give what you haven’t got. It’s like trying to drive a car without petrol. It won’t work. First, fill it up with petrol and it will take you where you want to go. Likewise, when you love yourself, you will attract a man who also loves himself. Together your love for each other will grow strong.
Before you start a relationship for the wrong reason, pray about it. Pray and ask God if the man you desire is the right person for you. Next, make sure your relationship is based on genuine love and commitment, on both sides. And don’t let outside forces (other people) come between you with their opinions or advice. If you’re both grounded in God, there is a good chance your relationship will work.
Over to you…
Have you ever started a relationship for the wrong reasons? What were they? What was the outcome? Please share your thoughts in the comment box below.