3 Warning Signs Mr Right is Wrong For You
You’ve been dating a fantastic man. He’s your dream. He’s absolutely perfect. And treats you like his queen. You think Mr Right has finally come along.
Everything about him is exactly what you’re looking for in a man. He’s the whole package. Your mum likes him and your friends thinks he adorable.
Are you sure he’s Mr Right?
But you’re thinking:
- He’s a Christian.
- He takes part in praise and worship.
- He’s into the preaching and even take notes.
- He goes evangelising.
- He reads his bible.
- He loves God.
- I believe he’s the one God chose for me.
Based on what you think and see so far, you convince yourself he is Mr Right. But don’t use his actions and your thoughts as the deciding factors. Shouldn’t your decision be based on other aspects of his life? Can you trust in your feelings (and because you believe he’s a Christian) that he’s the right one for you?
Also, don’t allow love to cloud your judgment either.
Before you rush in heart first and fall too deeply in love, there are warning signs to look out for. Don’t ignore them if you’re planning to marry him.
Just because he seems perfect do not mean there isn’t hidden danger hiding in his personality. Most men plays it cool in the beginning. They’ll be on their best behaviour, till you’re trapped like a fish lured by a bait. Once your heart linked with theirs, it’s hard to cut yourself loose.
Don’t order the wedding dress yet. Check him out properly first.
Let’s look at three characteristics of dangerous men to avoid, or warning signs to watch out for.
If he falls into any of these categories, you should get out while your heart is still intact. It’s better to stay single than get crushed by a broken heart. Or to used and abused by a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
1. He pressures you for sex
Every time you’re alone, his hands and lips are all over you. He tells you how much he loves you and want to take the relationship to the next level. He doesn’t see anything wrong with sex before marriage. Because, he claims that if you don’t do it, how will you know if you’re sexually compatible?
The problem is, you’re in love with him. You want to please him. So, what do you do? Do you tell him no and mean it? Do you give in to his demands because you’re scared of losing him? Or do you agree with him and want to test it out to see if you’re a good fit?
Having sex with him is no guarantee that he’ll stay with you. Or even marry you. In a lot of cases, after he’s had it, he’ll become distant and move on to the next woman. And you’ll end up feeling used, full of regrets.
If he’s a committed Christian and truly loves you, he will wait. Because he knows you’re the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with. So, he’ll save sex for the honeymoon, which will make it even more special. But, if he’s not willing to wait for sex, maybe you should reconsider the relationship.
These days many women have sex before marriage. That includes some Christian women as well. But they still get hurt. It’s not the main thing that keeps a couple together. A lot of men I met only wanted sex. Having a long-term relationship was not on their agenda.
Your body is like a treasured jewel. Treat it that way. If you had a rare diamond, would you give it away to any man who came into your life just to please him? Value and respect yourself, and the men will do the same.
2. He’s got anger problems
This is vital for you to find out. You can ask him if he’s got anger issues. But don’t expect him to tell you. Abuse isn’t something that a man will share with you. Especially if he thinks there’s a chance you’ll leave him after you find out.
The best way to find out if he has an abusive background is to do some homework. You could ask someone close to him who you trust. Maybe his mother, another family member or his best friend.
If you can’t get enough information, look out for certain signs that will reveal his temperament.
How does he treat you?
Is he jealous of your male friends, family or your girlfriends? If he doesn’t like you sharing your company with them or spending time with them, look out.
One of my ex husbands used to get angry if I had friends or family around when he came back from work. He would slam his keys on the table and march off to sit in the bedroom by himself to sulk. If I talked and laughed with friends he’d get angry with me, after they went home. Even if a stranger smiled at me, he got mad. We ended up arguing all the time. Within a few weeks of us living together, the violence started.
What’s your man’s attitude towards his mother? Is he disrespectful, rude and impatient? This is always a warning sign to look out for. His mother gave birth to him and raised him. So, if he can’t treat her with the respect she deserves, will he treat you any different after you’re married?
In addition, if his dad abused his mother, there’s a possibility he’ll abuse you too. His upbringing and former home life will determine the type of man he will be in his own home. My ex husband’s father abused his mother. After our relationship became serious, I found out that my ex also abused his former partners. And so, hitting me was something that came naturally to him. He was always sorry afterwards, but that didn’t stop him for doing it again.
“Don’t hang out with angry people; don’t keep company with hotheads. Bad temper is contagious— don’t get infected.” – Proverbs 22: 24-25
3. He tries to control you
1 Peter 3:7
Does he talk down to you and think he’s the superior one? Watch out. When a man uses scriptures to dominate you, be careful. Submitting to him do not mean you are the door mat. Or that your freedom should be taken away because you’re in a relationship. Submitting means respecting, loving and honoring each other. Husbands must love their wives like they love themselves. (Ephesians 5:28).
Is he controlling, jealous or possessive? My ex husband was controlling and jealous to the point that he drove all my friends away. He made all visitors to our home feel uncomfortable. The tension was unbearable. Eventually, they got the message and stopped visiting. I felt like a prisoner at times. He even went as far as locking me in, so I couldn’t leave when he was upset with me.
In 1 Corinthians 13:4 it says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy…” Envy is a cousin of jealousy. If he shows the opposite of patience, kindness and envy, does he really love you? Will the relationship last? These are questions you must ask yourself. Because one of the easiest ways of destroying a relationship is impatience, anger and jealousy.
Dating is not a game you play with your emotions. Especially if you’re looking for a husband. Don’t rush it just because you want to get married. Take time to find out as much as you can about your new man. Pray about it. Talk to family and close friends. Sometimes love can cloud your judgment and you find it hard to think wisely. Also, book an appointment to see a relationship coach. It will help both of you prepare for a solid future together.
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Have you ever been burnt by dating Mr Wrong? Can you give any advice to single women looking for a life partner? Please share your thoughts in the comment box.